Anna ki Aag !!!!

Finally its here on the facebook. Facebook released anti corruption crusade event. People can tick the 'yes' option, or 'maybe' or 'no' option. And since launch , its been an overnight success. Scores of 'yes' ,a good number of 'may be', and only four 'no' , till last reports came in. When contacted , someone in condition of anonymity said he ticked the 'may be' option. Not because he was still confused .He thinks it might be a trap. Government might ask the system guys to 'report abuse' or 'block' all the anti corruption crusaders who clicked 'yes'. Unconfirmed report says , four people who ticked 'NO' option are none other than Manmohan singh , sonia Gandhi , Rahul Gandhi and Digvijay Singh.

Earlier today Raja and Kalmady were caught red handed when tried to escape Tihar jail in disguise of anti corruption crusaders, who were released today morning after overnight stay in Tihar jail.Jail official got suspicious when the duo didnt show any sign of fasting weakness and shouted 'jay hind' at the top of their voice.They were detained at the Tihar main exit gate and their identities were verified .Two crusaders were found blindfolded and gagged in Raja and Kalmadi's cells.Unconfirmed sources said Raja and kalmady might lured those poor chaps by showing 'Tihar ka VIP khana'. After all the crusaders were on indefinite fast.

Kapil Sibal was all happy and relaxed when he was told that people asking for a new committee to draft the 'jan lokpal bill'.He said he will put forward his best effort to make a team of most competent people.Unconfirmed report said , building committee is something they have been doing since 1970s and that is the most feasible and confident way for the government to delay it further.

In movies and entertainment update , Ram Gopal Verma decided to make a movie on Anna Hazare movement and movie name has been decided as 'Anna ki aag'.Government has been trying their best to stop the project.Unconfirmed report said government already asked censor board not to give it a green signal , in case they fail to convince Ramu.'We saw some law and order problems coming out of the latest movie arakshan . We cant take any more chances.it must be stopped.'said P Chidambaram , who is also representing Govt in the panel on talking with Ramu.

In sports section , Sreesanth came forward with his unconditional support for Anna Hazare movemet.On lines of Anna's indefinite fast , Sree has announced indefinite bowling in the 4th test match against england , relentlessly and selfishly, without caring for taking wickets , till his health permits.Unconfirmed report says , it is not sure if rest of the Indian bowlers will also join the campaign. But it has been confirmed that Indian batsmen have decided not to join any indefinite batting campaign.

5 times clockwise :p

let's say its been an epidemic...across the cubicles at GlaxoSmithKline..even though its the same across the white collar jobs..across the blue chip companies..across the races and agegroup...but people here are little overweight than the industry standards..so when all are down here by this adverse event...with varying severity...it sparked people talking.. how it spread across..you can put blame on the free Pepsi/cola counter at canteen or the unlimited buffet served everyday..but
interesting findings are ..there has been quite a few exceptions like Richa or Preeti..who might be taken as subjects one day to find the good gene into them that pushed them through the ordeal...but with regret...most of the rest were not that lucky...So in this high time how can HR seat idle when his valuable resources are at stake?..so our HR manager Dinesh came into rescue with path breaking ideas..there would be 'mild exercises' at 3.30 in the afternoon and yes..its compulsory...a band of volunteers joined next..and the idea looked 'simply rocking'

so it started with a good note...everybody participated..volunteers spread across cubicles..and demonstrated all the ways you can bend your body parts...more than bending they put stress on the rotating..after all you might get opportunities to bend in a day..probably in front of boss at time of dressing down.. but no way you can rotate while in office..so at 3.30 its been a great show at gsk hall..all instructors are in front of their respective groups..and they are rotating necks with eyes closed...5 times clockwise and 5 times counter clockwise ...i could hear while eyes closed..then rotate your hands folded , fingers touching your shoulders ...5 times clockwise and 5 times counter clockwise..people rounding heads in sync..few in clockwise few in anticlock..enthusiasm was palpable and people did feel relaxed and rejuvenated..boss said it could be a 'good wake up call' 2 all those who feel sleepy post lunch..overall its been quite rocking...more than rotating necks i enjoyed watching all the weird expressions people made ...and most i missed was my camera..

great initiative indeed it was ..

Mothers' Day Wish :):)

Dear mom...let's not joke abut it..but you came out first at Pan Earth Mothers' love competition..only me and Anne were in the jury..but so what...you came out first and that's all matters...we are proud of you :) clap clap clap clap :)

We wish you had a gmail account..so that we could send you a fabulous mother's day ecard..but :(..never mind...we have planned something better for you....together we will buy you a new big car..so that you can do shopping whole day..buying our favourite foodstuffs n clothes and chocolates and bring them truckloads at home :p

Dear mom..wish we were at home..then we would decorate your room with balloons and papers..like you did at our room when we were badmash kids :) and would bring home a cake for you...a big mothers' day cake..with cream and cherry on top..and I would take care so that Anne wont eat up the cream and cherry before you comes in :p..after all i know..We are soon going to get the lion's share of the cake :p


Dear mom..we wanted to give you a fabulous gift...that no kid could ever give to their mom...but we didn't find any :(..so this time decided to gift you a big timepiece that claps and sounds 'we love you mamma' when it alarms..to remember the days when you used to put alarm so that we don't miss school bus ..and we used to screw up the timepiece so that it wont alarm any more :p


Dear mom ...you must be missing our crazy school days back home..and must feel terribly upset that we are not at home on this 'special day'..don't mind..we are just saving office leaves so that we can go for a long winter vacation together :)

Dearest mom..somebody said God didn't have time to be with us all the time ..so he sent you..and we feel so lucky..because we know..God couldn't do soo much that you did for us :):) Happy mother's day !!!!!!!

Calling It A Day !!!!!!!!!

%macro goodbye (wish_you=)

%global gmail_id yahoo_id contact_no google_blog social_network ;


%macro its_today;
my fellow pfizerites,
its my last day here and all of you bear witness of this auspicious moment in pfizer..will miss you all and all those crazy moments in last 3.7 years - i call them - Time Of My Life..

Once I had a vision - A day without QG docs.. day without a boss.And finally - its TODAY.I know sceptics wont agree. they will argue - grass wont be greener on the other side.Still i will stick to my vision statement.Today is history and you are part of it...:):)

%mend its_today;



%macro wishlist;

A bunch of brilliant minds - you are gonNa rock for sure. Wish I could manage time little better, spend little more time with each of you .Wish i could record my crazy moments here and save them in a freezed time screen for 1 rainy day..wish i could write another lyrics like 'in this farewell' and play it in my guitar while leaving. Wish i had a magic wand to create a wishtree for you- dropping utility macros at will . For your future 'battle for survival' in pfizer ,wish you &wish_you :)

%mend wishlist;


%macro recharge;

never forget to look at the promise of tomorrow hung high in the air...dont hate whispering past deadlines..little clumsy moments...all in a day's work..all things will come in a little time..realx....breathe....take a nap..wayy to go..

%mend recharge;


%macro thanks;

words wont suffice to say thanks to the 'sas wizard' who wished to make a sas programmer out of a 'mechanical engineer' - thanks Vinay for always staying'chilled' while I messed up everything on the other end.Heartiest thanks to Rohit Wadhawa for always been there whenever i got lost in the 'bhulbhulaiya' of macro loops, 'gud job done' to Arka for writing sas assignments to make my way to pfizer,thanks meenakshi for bearing me as the mentor-hope it was coool,thanks Gaurav for all the opportunities , thanks to Prabhat for constant motivations, thanks to Pankaj for teaching me the most important lesson at pfizer 'winners never quit' !!!!

%mend thanks;


%do %while (&sysday=&systcslastday);
%its_today;
%end;

%wishlist;

%let i=1;
%do %while (%scan(&sysmotivation,i) eq );
%recharge;
%let i=%eval(&i+1);
%end;

%thanks;

%let gmail_id= ratulpaul1@gmail.com;
%let yahoo_id= ratul_nitc@yahoo.com;
%let contact_no = 9958939459;
%let google_blog = jacob-catastrophe.blogspot.com ;
%let social_network = orkut facebook linkedin twitter myspace;


%mend goodbye ;

%let i= &syspfizerites_count;
%do %until (&i eq );
%goodbye (wish_you = luck);
%let i=%eval(&i-1);
%end;

SOP

Dear Sir ,
I am B.Tech from National Institute Of Technology ,Calicut in mechanical engineering and have work experience of 40 months in TCS, Asia's largest software consultancy. Did that impress you? Or you just wondering 'How come??!!'. Even I used to wonder in my engineering days, when my seniors from non IT stream made it to IT biggies. But I was not that motivated or driven. I just tumbled into TCS. So after 40 months into IT industry sometimes I wonder - what if I started my career at core sector, as I used to dream in my engineering days - in an enterprise with a chimney with smoke coming out of it, with sounds of machines , trucks, a chowkidar somewhere, workers smoking bidis in a corner. Quite an factory atmosphere , might not that cozy like an air conditioned IT office. But I guess that is where mechanical engineers belong to. That is where their purpose lies. AC atmosphere just make them lazy. Ironically nobody actually asked me to write an SOP before my engineering. So I never felt the need to think about the 'next big thing' after NIT. So I joined TCS. Wasted time in some meaningless works , And it took 3 years to realise that the 'time for change' has come. I must have dozed off in my cozy cubicle, in spite of the constant din made by managers sitting around me. Now I wonder what if I was asked to write an SOP before my engineering. I would have fixed my purpose long back. I might not take pain or gather words to write this impressive sop today.

Dear Sir, in next two years I will always be a good boy , work hard as I have saved enough energy in last 3 years. And you wont need to take pain for my placements. I will opt for OOPS(Opted Out Of Placements). TCS made me sure that I am too lazy to work under a boss. Better I would start as a shopkeeper. Selling has seemed to me such an easy way of making a living that sometimes I wonder why people bothered to do anything else. On market days , for instance , if I seat down before a bag of flour , with a scoop and a set of scales on one side , people will come, buy my flour and put money in my pocket. In fact it looks such an simple process that sometimes I wonder it wouldn't work if I try it!!!! :p:p. 'Jumping off the cliff' might not be that rosy sir. I just need to learn the confidence tricks in your institute over the next two years.

A Le Chal Mujhko Sapno ki Nagar !!!!!

Ever you been to old Delhi? In the bylanes of Darya Ganj? In its narrow streets and crowded Meena Bajar? Did you experience the feelings of getting lost amidst the crowd? In the aroma of Karims? In the bustle and tinsel of the street around you? In the hawkers' shout,cars' horn, autowalas' howling, riksawalas' pa po? I was lost in a dream of course , one in which the settings has dropped. Looming ahead was the imposing facade of the red fort with its neat rows of windows and doorways, with the delicate intricacy of minaretes and arches. All these centuries later everything still stands , just like Mughals built it. Dynasties passed. The British have come and gone. And the building still the same and will outlast us all. I wondered if days here would be the same as well once I stop dreaming , or after centuries?

And then the electricity failed. A collective sigh rose into the air . And the great architectural work of Mughals around me plunged into darkness. The darkness abruptly swallowed the busy world around me. As if it plucked off the dark night and descended onto the streets. The moon hanged high and round above me like a sole surviving streetlight, beaming down its chadni.I closed my eyes and turned my face towards the sky and opened my mouth as if I could catch the chadni like rain. I stood there , observing the bustle of the street. Moonlit arches of red fort rose from the twilight ahead. I wondered if I could live in the days of Mughals. I wondered what it would feel to be inside the royal courts? I imagined Shah Jahan and his empress Mumtaj reclining at dusk. Mughal soldiers saluting in sync. Shah Jahan sashays past slowly with his Mumtaj, feeding her grapes, in the fort on the cushioned interior of the sheesh Mahal, followed by his musical entourage. Tansen came to life and descended singing from his poster , his lyrics ushering in the evening candles, one by one, each flame igniting a thousand images, in the mirrors embedded in the ceiling and walls. The bricks of the red fort light up like day.

Floodlights started coming on all around the floor. Then came the sound of a soft explosion from somewhere behind the fort. A single rocket rises silently into the sky.Its plume leaving a white trail against the blue-black night. An instant later a galaxy of sparks lights up the sky. More rockets begin to climb lazily, like fire stalks scaling the night and blossoming in bursts of orange, green and white.The flag emerges from its seclusion of night, its stripes rippling under the national colours unfurling above. 'Testing testing' someone said over a loudspeaker. The Nehru's voice cracked through the air, reprising his 1947 independence day speech. Gandhiji twirls his stuff and comes dancing right after. Sandstones lit up in patriotic cascades of white and green and orange.

And here we are, from the Mughals and the British to Gandhi and Nehru , all lined up for the grand final.The scene burst into Eastman color, the sky stretched to cinemascope . Gandhiji tapped his cane to the tune of the music, first at his feet , then at me , then at Mumtaj, then at the explosions above the red fort.I turned into shahenshah Mughal-E-Azam Shah Jahan, Rintu winked under the red and gold bridal regalia of Mumtaj.I looked down at Darya Ganj. For a moment I simply stared at Old Delhi. Trying to digest what happened.Flashes illuminated the arches of the fort as cannons being fired in salute from behind the wall. Lyrics of Tansen swelled up around us once again.

Cut to 2010. Perhaps I actually dozed off at the backseat in the JN stadium. Perhaps the karims lunch at Darya Ganj was little intoxicating. Rintu jolted me awake.CWG opening ceremony lights are fading off. Prince 'Shah Jahan' Charles and his Mumtaj along with Kalmadi 'Chacha' going down off the VIP enclave. Bapu went back into the 'Gandhi note', still smiling. Back at home , I fell asleep with the Tansen lyrics still swirling in my ears -

'Lat's go
Jiyo utho badho jeeto
Tera mera Jahaan let's go

Oh yaaron, yeh India bulaa liya
Diwaano yehIndia bulaa liya...bulaa liya'

Obsession !!

Did something pull you back when you tried to avoid your favourite food joint? or your favourite drink? or your expensive favourite brand? or your favourite gadget? Did you ever try to come out of these obsession? Only to get back to your old routine after a few days of break. Continued the cycle on and off and every time turned out to be a big loser. Then you are suffering from one psychological disease. A kind of lethal addiction - in modern psychology it is - ' Obsessive Compulsive Disorder'.

Readers please note - the disease is terribly infectious and in most of the cases people get infected from their friends. So if you have any such friend , beaware of him , might be you are already infected. But always better late than never , so first kick them out.

'Exposure theory' is one good treatment - get exposed to your obsession - have enough of the toxics till the point they bore you , till the point you feel pukey at any hint of them, till the point you feel sick of them. But what if you simply can't live without KFC even after buckets of them ? What if you simply can't concentrate on your work without a compulsive sutta break? What if you cann't pass a 'dry weekend' after days of booze party? What if you simply cann't stop buying a new gadget on your pay day? For you 'exposure theory' alone wouldn't suffice - you need advanced detoxication - try 'Shock therapy'. Ask your friend to do you a favor - a kick on the ass or a Rs 500/- fine next time you visit a KFC outlet or a gadget shop. And if you don't have such good friends then help yourself - ride one nearby lamppost and 'chu ke ana' one live wire ;)

What if even 'Shock Therapy' fails to tame your crazy obsession? You need serious medical surgery. Doctors will remove parts of your hypothalamus where all these evil obsessions germinate round the clock.Want to do it yourself? Recall those days in biological lab when you had to pith the poor frog's brain before finding its digestive system. Now do it once again . Your crazy head in place of the frog. You can use a bigger nail than you used in the lab.

If you didn't like these crazy techniques and wondering if Jake already has screwed (read pithed) up his brain , then here is one decent way-out for you - 'pranayama' and 'art of living'. Might be tough for someone who is too obsessed with his crazy disorder but Rintu has shown the way. After few sessions of 'Tadpole Pranayama' and 'Art of living' he is on his way to complete healing. A two weeks of 'dry crash diet ' is a testimony to that. Long live Rintu :) Lets go party tonight :):)