We Hate Love Stories

Imagine a boy who was brought up in a family where most of the people simply abhorred 'love stories'.In father's side the 'strike rate' was almost zero , where in mother's side there were plenty of love stories but very few of them managed to get the 'prized tag' - 'and they happily lived ever after'. In this mixed environment the boy encountered the first love story when he was in school , in 8th standard most probably , when his college going brother picked up his 'dulhaniya' and married her in a nearby church.They managed to keep the secret under 'ghunghat' for around one week but all hell broke loose as soon as the 'goodnews' started doing rounds . One thing led to another and the girl's family registered police case as if the boy's family had planned to kidnap the girl. The love story had its instant tragic end there and 'Tito' was disillutioned from love stories for life.

Sandy comes next. He was in love with his 'next door Masakali girl' whom he used to meet over the terrace every afternoon. They used to chat for hours , under the moon and starry nights , till her parents were back home.So on Valentines day he wrote an emotional note - excerpts from the note -

' Dear chandramukhi ,

......................

you mean a lot to me......I will get you the moon..get you the stars..take you out for a walk in the clouds.............

..............................

...............................

..............................

Tumhe kaise maya bataun/ keya maya paa gaya hoo/ Tum jo mere sath ho/

mujhko duniya mil gayi hai /Zindagi badal gayi hai/ Tum jo mere sath ho....'

He claims few linew from his valentine notes were later copied by one Shankar Mahadevan;).Anyway he got the reply withing one week . It was her marriage invitation card. Sandy was depressed , for days he lost the meaning of his life , even he wished to kill himself - what's the point in living in this cruel world where nobody care for his love. His good buddies came on his rescue. They suggested - there would be a better impact if he did his 'Payar ki kurbani' on the day the girl would get married.Point taken and the boy took control of his 'irrational imotion' for few days. But on the day when the girl was getting married he simply refused to oblige to his promise - might be got back into his rational mind and became the second member of our ' we hate love stories gang'.

Next comes Rondu - used to be the smartest dude among us - never had any dearth of girlfriends - though we always had doubt whom they liked more , Rondu or his Ford ikon. He even dated with three girls on the same weekend - in different time-slots. When we asked he used to say - 'its all fun yaar - after all khelne me hi to maza haya' And we were jealous of him. But he perished. Had to get married to his 9th girlfriend - who turned out to be the daughter of city's Police commissioner. There was no way out. How he hated to get married but he had to marry a girl whom he least liked , whom he dated for some fun and there was no dowry story. Poor Rondu must wanted to kill himself. Now Rondu got a new name - 'Jiju' -'love you Jiju :)' and yes he is in our 'we hate love stories' gang.

Gagu comes last to share his expert suggestions and lesson learnings . Hi Gagu:)..He just went through a painful break-up and it was his first 'true love'- that is what he claims. As per Gagu 'True love' happens when it drives you 'out of your mind' and makes you crazy when the story ends. You know the pain of watching your first love getting engaged - Gagu actually went through that. Recently he deleated all the romantic memories and movies from his hard-disks. He said - I don't get why people waste time watching 'love stories' like 'Titanic' or 'Casablanca' - there is no 'action' - only 'ronadhona'. How can people waste time watching romantic movies where hero dies at the end or let go the heroine with the 'Villain'. His advice to all the budding lovers - never get stuck to one girl , its too risky , because if break-up happens you will die , so always have back-up plans;). For him love is some 'adrenaline rush' which if goes out of hand even 1.75 liter Johnny Walker might not be enough to cool it off. So guys dont be cupid , better stay away from all 'intoxicating callings' and keep singing

'I don't need you/

don't wanna see you/

you get no love/

I hate love stories' .

Long live boys:)

Intejaaaar Kab Tak !!!!!!!!

Ajmal Kasab is not happy now-a-days.He checked his 'happiness index' in 'Times Wellness' and found it was quite low.Its not that authorities have revoked his VIP Z++ security status, or they are not taking proper care for him, in fact they are pampering him too much. Now he can read and write english - even he is regularly reading Times of India and The Dawn. Recently he also started reading 'Twilight' saga and just finished first four parts upto 'Breaking Dawn' - and eagerly waiting for the last part that has just released.Not that he is quite a fan of Stephenie Meyer, Bella , Jacob or Edward but he is quite fond of vampire romance stories.During his 'Jihad' training days his 'Guruji' used to tell him - after their 'kurbaani' in 'Jihad' 'Mujahids' turn to vampires and girls like Bella wait for them at 'Jannat'. But unfortunately his journey to 'Jannat' got delayed and now congress is delaying it further.So he is not in good mood now-a-days.

Recently he started following 'Bhopal gas tragedy ' saga in 'Times of India' and he is getting irritated again.For killing fifteen thousand people and injuring over twenty thousand , eight people got only two years imprisonment , they were even out on bail in the next moment.He doesn't understand why he was given death sentence for killing 15/20 people. Anyway he didn't mind - he didn't cry inside the court rather he was happy, laughed and even cracked a few jokes until he was scolded by the judge - all he could see was his way to 'Jannat' again.

He didn't mind either when the main accused - CEO of Union Carbide Warren Anderson - was not convicted. Even his guruji was not convicted after 26/11 Mumbai attack.Its the people who are 'been there and done that' deserve the credit, not their gurujies.

He was amused after reading CBI was send to extradite the CEO from US. And almost laughed after reading CBI is currently in US to find out Richard Headley. He said - send CBI to Pakistan to find out my 'Guruji' - they will hijack the plane as soon as it lands Karachi and will demand my release....hhehehe

Madhya Pradesh chief minister at the time of Bhopal tragedy Arjun Singh said - he had to let off the 'gora saheb' because he feared a public attack on the gentleman. Kasab found him very intelligent , full of practical knowledge . He wished Arjun Singh was Maharashtra CM when he was caught by Mumbai police.

All the accused even threatened to pursue the case in higher court and Supreme court.Here also Kasab can read their mind - if it takes 26 years to get the verdict from a lower court it will not take less than a lifetime to get it through Higher court and Supreme court. Kasab is lucky here, for him everything was complete in 6 months. But 'Soniyaji' and 'Pratibha dadi' are still not convinced , they are saying it would hurt Muslim sentiments but Kasab thinks may be they are planning to send him for another mission. This time he will demand better facilities - less 'dud grenades' and a better AK47. Last time his machine got stuck when he was at work , or he would score fifteen thousand at CST itself.

Recently Kasab joined Facebook and first he made friendship with 'Soniyaji' - just to know ' Whats on her mind'. And her recent facebook update - 'Soniya Gandhi and Mamta Banarjee' are now friends' - Kasab had no idea who the 'Mamta Banarjee' was, his guess, may be her new daughter-in-law - making friendship with 'sasuma' after watching 'saas vi kavi bahu thi' - he used to watch it at his nana's place.
Next update - Soniya likes italian coach Fabio Filippo's booze ban on English players in world cup.Kasab likes it. He can remember how numb he felt after the booze party just after their initial victory at Taj.He can remember how his guruji used to tell him - never indulge in worldly pleasures or you will never get a place at 'Jannat'. He made the mistake once and now was denied the early jannat entry visa :(


His eyes almost fixed after reading British Petrolium (BP) is in trouble after spewing oil at Gulf of Mexico and killing dozens of fishes. Barack Obama and US Marines even threatened to drop a nuke if BP fails to tame the spill. Dropping nuke for killing fish!!!! But he liked the attitude. He wish Obama was there in place of 'Pratibha Dadi'. Then he would have finished first part of his vampire-romance at Jannat by this time.Kasab sent a friend request to Barack Obama in Facebook.

Now dear readers, if you are getting irritated as Kasab is being too much pampered and enjoying too much at the expense of public money , here is one thing you can do.'Hang Kasab Yourself' is a videogame recently launched in the market . Try it out and send Kasab one CD. He will keep himself busy in his 'Jannat' dream , at least he will not irritate others in Facebook:) . And don't forget to write your comments as Kasab is very particular to know 'What's on your mind' as well ;-)

Ice Cubes

My last blog stirred serious 'people talking'

People asked if blogging about my boss is my 'newfound hobby'.

Friends enquired if I had become a psycho or worst ever - a potential sadist ;)

Someone even teased if I had a crush on her 'curly hair'.

Some colleagues wondered what our security manager would do had she been there watching Pankaj listening ' dil se' or me with a 160 GB iPod inside ODC. I guess she would try something different than her usual naughty look and fake warnings .This time she might try to raise the issue to CEO , keeping all the board members in CC and all the company shareholders and all her friends in bcc ;)

And the general public demand was - take out a print and paste it inside her cubicle.I wish I could.

Next , my pretty boss was leaving Delhi and moving to Pune.I wrote on her farewell card - 'days will never be the same :-) ' - hope she noticed the smiley ;). Definitely for me the worst was over. But I felt bad for the poor chaps who would work under her :-( . My sympathy will always be with them.

Now , its party time - my b'day celebration - the best b'day ever.

Lets start with those days when I was looking for a party dress and went to lifestyle Mall with Rintu when it was about to be closed, we were politely asked to vacate the place.Next hunt was at Peter england , but we didn't get anything of 'Our standard' ;) . It was getting late and most of the shops were already closed. Heartbroken , we went inside a sweet shop.We chilled out in AC , watched tv, had 'days special' sweets , when we realised - none of us have any cash and they don't accept any card. I came out fast , actually wanted to visit the nearby ATM, but Rintu got scared and followed me even faster , the boy at the shop got it all wrong and started shouting - 'Paisa paisa' - when the watchman started tapping feet and crowd started turning heads , there was no point in looking back , we just escaped and mingled in the crowd. But it was not over.
We went back there after half an hour - again chilled out in AC , watched TV , had few more 'days special ' but this time they closed the door once we got inside.We paid whatever the bill was, including the last bill amount , Rintu even bargained with the boy.Not a bad day altogether - at least we had some fun at the end.

On 27th night I had usual b'day bumps and my roomies smashed tomato all over my head , sounds weird , actually they were looking for stale eggs , but not a single was left, so they had to manage with tomatoes.Next it was my turn.It was Rintu's b'day as well and I had to return him the favor - tomatoes were finished and I used gulabjamuns I bought for my colleagues , pasted those all over his face.Guys , now you know what happened to your gulabjamuns and why there were only traces of jamuns in bits and pieces in the sweet packet ;)

On 28th , got the first wish message at around 6:30 , reminded me it was by b'day and started the day unusually early. At office among my old buddied 'Govinda' called me - not 'Chote Miya' from Mumbai - it was my NITC buddy from Pune.We had a long chat - he wished me happy b'day , appreciated my job(lol) and in the end even appreciated my hindi - love you buddy:-) .My colleagues might not stop loughing but the fact is - first time in last three years somebody appreciated my Hindi speaking skill :)

Got call even from my NRI friends. 'Gagu' was obviously on booze - said it was 50$ Johny Walker - might be also on some other stuffs and was speaking more expletives than words. But I never mind - love those friends who call me after being sloshed , they speak their hearts out , he cried a lot for his lost love , you know the pain of watching your first love getting engaged - he was actually going through that - so I never mind.

Then it was party time @ Ice Cubes.Initially was offered a drop from one of my dear colleagues who changed her mind in the end and told me she had to leave early . I guess somebody told her Hrithik had come to GIP and flying kites over the terrace.He indeed came there last Sunday , to beg to his fans 'Kaho naa - payar haya' - after his 'kites' went 'cutti' at box office ;)

At ice cubes it was all masti , music, games and dance.Got my b'day gift along with another two rounds of b'day bumps there.Games were a bit weird - guy with longest hair, guy with most colourful socks , guy with maximum number of rings - wondering what they were looking for - a born psycho or a guy with a crazy style statement.

Next dinner time. We nonvegetarians had a gala time over there.Even a typical veggy Pankaj, who never missed an opportunity of playing pranks on nonvegetarians - tried few boneleass chickens and started complimenting - never had a better spicy paneer curry ever .I wished he would try some mushroom (mutton) curry as well - mutton bones as mushroom sticks - when somebody revealed him the truth and congratulated him as he had joined the elite 'nonveg league' - 'the saviours of food chain' , but he was shocked and feeling pukey , went straight to washroom and didn't come out till the party was over.

Now its time to go home.Bye bye Ice Cubes.Love you all.Kudos to all your energy.Cheers to her farewell, cheers to our end of sufferings and thanks to all of you for making my b'day so special.